Consequences...

A face full of dirt.

That's the consequence for trying to stop a 2 1/2 year old from throwing a handful of dirt.

And that is precisely what happened to me today.

I was talking with a mother and her little boy was playing in the dirt, as little boys do, but it was time for Mom to go and so in an attempt to help her get her boy to the car, I tried to extract him from the dirt and set him on the path to the car and his hand came back and I got the dirt in my face, up my nose, in my mouth and covering my glasses. Such is life when you are dealing with boys.

But it started me thinking about the consequences of some of our best intended actions. Like trying to reason with the man at the desk next to yours that clicking his pen, incessantly, while you are trying to work, is about to drive you out of your skull, or trying to convince the driver in front of you in the fast lane that is driving about 35 miles an hour that he needs to move over by flashing your high beams at him.

Or trying to convince someone that the spiritual path they are on is a dangerous one and is going to keep them from seeing that all-too-commercialized version of heaven they think they are going to see because they are a "good person".

See, it is our actions, much more than our words, that find a person where they are and make them take notice. Its not the words that tell them what it is to be a Christ-follower or what peace and joy you can reap from such a life. It is our kindness to the unkind, our love for the unlovable, our grace to the undeserving that shows Christ in us. And sometimes, even then, you still get rejected, taunted, laughed at, spit upon or ignored. But the seeds you plant with the person you are showing God's infinite love and compassion to will grow...God can do a great work in them, and you may never know it. The last thing you may remember about that person is the awful way they rejected you, and ultimately your Savior. But Jesus said, "The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost," and in Psalm 118:22, "The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone." Some builders will reject Jesus (through you), but ultimately, He will be lifted up and you along with Him.

So sometimes you will be successful in your good intentions...and sometimes you will end up cast aside, but in it all, God is in control.

Wow...that's a lot to have learned just from a face full of dirt...

And then I am blessed...

Get out your tissues...

I had to share what my son did to bless me just a few moments ago.

I went to change Jack's diaper (and we all know what a blessing that is), and he kept pointing at me saying, "Twee, twee." But I had no idea what he was talking about. So in an effort to understand him, I leaned into him so he could touch what he was pointing at. He touched the flower (dandylion) that Caleb had given me that I was wearing behind my ear. I said, "Oh, the flower...yes, I suppose that is a tiny tree." He looked me right in the eyes and very meaningfully said, "Pwee twee." To which I replied, "Yes, Jack, that is a very pretty tree."



It was the first time he put two words together and I understood what he was saying. It was very sweet.

Wait

Have you ever felt useless? I know I have. I know others who have. Some feel useless because they don't believe they have marketable skills. Some feel useless because they didn't finish school. Some feel useless because they don't have what they thought they would have by this time. Some because they are too old. Some because they are too fat. Some because they aren't pretty enough. Some because they think themselves stupid. Some because they are pessimists. Some because they are sure the entire world is out to get them. Some because they feel like God has abandoned them...

But think about those times when you have felt useful. Everyone has them...even if they don't feel useful now. Sometimes you have to dig down deep to remember that feeling because it's been a long time. When you have helped someone solve a problem. When you have been that shoulder to cry on. When you've brought food or clothing to someone because they needed it. When you have sung your child to sleep after a bad dream. When you've made dinner for friends. When you've told someone you love them. Sometimes those moments are fleeting because we, as humans tend to focus on all the things that make us useless, rather than what makes us useful.

For those like me who believe that God loves us and sacrificed His son for us, how can we ever really believe that we are useless? What in the world would He have sacrificed Jesus for, if we had no usefulness? That's foolish...and God is not.

We have been told over and over that God has a purpose for each one of us...that He has planted a desire in our heart and a gift in our spirit and a talent in our hands and He wouldn't just mismatch these things. They will line up. He promised that. He said he would give us the desires of our heart. He planted it there, He will make it bloom. But He didn't say when.


The problem is waiting...God's human creations have no patience. The flowers do, the animals do...but we don't. And thus the human existance is one of worry and bitterness and self-loathing because WE can't make it happen for ourselves. We place the blame on ourselves for not figuring out what we are supposed to do RIGHT NOW. How arrogant of us. This is not about us...this is about God and His glory.

So, here am I...use me as You will, Lord. I struggle for patience, yes. But I wait on you, Lord. You have planted this flower...I will wait for you to make it bloom.

That's the prayer I hope we can all have. He PROMISED. And God will not betray His children. I know it. I embrace it. I wait.

Wassup?

I have some profound things to say, but I haven't quite gotten the words in the right order in my head yet...so I will save that for naptime tomorrow. In the meantime, I have some photos to share.


Brothers...the cutest on the planet.


Look at the amount of cheese on that face...just like his father.


Me and my oldest.


Wearing Bubba's shoes...


They are both crazy...


Jack loves Buttercup!


We are working on getting that tooth out, but it just won't seem to come...he's hoping for an "America's Funniest Home Video" out of this.

Goodnight all!

Feeling blah...

You know those days...just not feeling up to scratch...well, that's today for me. Little bit of a sore throat, a headache, though that comes from caffeine withdrawal, and kind of fatigued.

I have a lot on my mind at the moment...the biggest thing being I can't seem to find any motivation for anything...I need to find additional income, and though I have a couple of options, none are exciting me...why do I feel so apathetic? I want to sing...that's what I want to do...that's what I have ALWAYS wanted to do...why can't I just make money at that? Huh? Guess that would be because I am not working for it. I can't believe that my music career is gone simply because of age or family...I just know that the timing is not right now. I'll know when the time comes, if it comes...but there are other things I need to be focused on...like my family.

That's what I am doing...

God grant me patience in your timing...that is my plea today.

That's all I have to say today...just a blah kind of day...

My bra is on backwards...

That comes from a quote submitted by Funny.co.uk:
You know its going to be a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

Well, that's today. It has just been an all-around rotten day. Jack was in quite a state today, I didn't seem to get anything accomplished and every time I tried, Jack made it apparent that if all my attention wasn't on him WE were going to be miserable and then Caleb added his contribution by continually ignoring everything I said.

I didn't get the bathrooms cleaned, I didn't get my bed changed, I couldn't do the dishes because Jack wanted to "help", and I couldn't cook nor did I want to eat because I was just so frustrated by the time Michael walked in the door, I just wanted to be alone.


Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband that let me escape for a while and even more thankfully, tomorrow is a new day...but good lord, if I have another day like today, I think I may have to go back to work... :) Just kidding...I wouldn't trade this for anything, but some days are just like running on a hampster wheel.

Completely different train of thought (all aboard the Jump-the-Track Express):
By the way, I am looking for part-time employment (hopefully at the Y) where I can bring my son or work out of my home...just be in prayer for me about that. I need adult time during the day...and the extra moola won't come amiss either. :)

All is quiet...

So I am sitting here at home on the first day of school in my stay-at-home-momdom and it’s awfully quiet. Jack is napping and I am almost lonely…I’ve just gotten used to two months of it never being quiet (less noisy, maybe, but never quiet) and I am having a hard time thinking about what its going to be like having this every day. I am sure I will get used to it and a routine will begin to take shape, but for the time being, it’s much too quiet here.

I haven’t written in over a month and that has made me bottle a lot up too. So here are a few things that have happened this summer:


We’ve gone to the zoo several times…that was cool. No, actually, it was extremely not cool, temperature-wise, but we did have fun! Let me just say, the building that has the lizards and frogs and snakes and fish and stuff, has displays of bugs that are far too large to be allowed to continue to live. I’m not trying to question God here, but, well, EWWWW! I can only say that if I ever run into one of these bugs and I haven’t passed out or I can manage to overcome my compulsive instinct to put as much distance between myself and the creatures that Adam should have stepped on instead of naming them, I will finish that job (of stepping on, or filleting or napalming, whatever).

My mother-in-law came to visit for a few days and Michael and I got an evening out to go see our friend Beth in “Smoke on the Mountain.” Very cute show. We had fun. And the boys were delighted to spend some time with Cece. That doesn’t happen very often. We are thinking about going south for the Christmas holiday and spending time with her. There’s nothing like spending Christmas on a chaise lounge with suntan lotion and a Mai Tai!


And we made our annual trip to Michigan to go canoeing down the Platte River in the northern part of the Lower Peninsula. As always, we LOVE this trip. And it was even more special because our bestest friends, the Bakers, got to join us this year! We spent Thursday, Friday and Sunday at my parents house on Dodge Lake tubing and cruising around the lake in Dad’s new pontoon boat. Saturday we spent lazing down the Platte in tubes and on floats. There were 28 of us on the river this year…a great group. Then back to the campground for dinner and s’mores and story telling… And let me tell you…Michael and I got so hooked on “Electronic Catchphrase” that we almost didn’t let the Bakers leave because we where having so much fun with it! Now we have to find one and host a party…there’s nothing like yelling at your friends and trying to get them to guess some of the most obscure phrases or words using even more obscure clues and gestures!


So, I think now that I have wiled away a few minutes here recapping my summer, I will go do some laundry and see if I can catch that darn sock faery. I am missing quite a few socks and I know she has them somewhere…

Happy Fourth!

This year, like last, we spent the fourth at a friend's house and then went to MTSU for the symphony and fireworks...very fun! I always enjoy being with our friends!

There's not much to write, but here are two things. First, do I look 31 to you? I don't feel it.


Second...I had a litte fun with Caleb's hair...he asked me to, let's be clear, but I went a little over the top...as I told my friend earlier this evening, it's not his act of rebellion, it's mine!

I took lots of photos...here are a few.


Jack's first time on a real swing that no one had to hold him in...he wasn't sure what to think...


A few sparklers before going off to see the big fireworks.


I have a feeling these three are going to be trouble in the very near future!


Here is Jack bustin' a move to the groovy orchestra that was playing.


Caleb's hair in all its glory!


Don't eat the baby...there are plenty of hot dogs...

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN you put those "3-D Fireworks Glasses" over the lens of your camera...pretty cool:





I am sure I will have something really profound to say about this great country we live in tomorrow, but tonight, I just wanted to post a few photos and share the fun evening we had! Hope you had a great 4th too! God Bless America!

Another year older...

So, tomorrow is my birthday. Yes, I am a firecracker baby and my mother got to watch the fireworks from the hospital window (I don't actually know if she could see them from her room, but you get the point).

I usually forget how old I am until someone asks. I've not been one of those that seems to have a problem with getting older. I figure as long as I still feel young, then I will be young. I do feel more aches and pains now than I did 15 years ago, but that's okay...I can still roll with the best of them.

The only thing I find myself being melancholy about is how fast the time has seemed to pass. I can still remember every detail about most events in my life, most of which took place 10 or more years ago. It certainly doesn't feel like that much time has passed since I was in high school or even college...but it sure has and I didn't imagine myself where I am today, but I wouldn't change it for the world! I love my boys!

So, tomorrow, I just want to relax and have a good day...and maybe some chocolate cake...and that will be good!

Here's a few pictures from the last few days:

Old New Hobby...

So I am getting excited about getting back into scrapbooking. Now, I began scrapping (or at least buying the stuff for it) when my sista in MI started selling it (before my first son was born). I did a total of 6 pages before it got stuffed
in a box with all the best intentions but no time made...

Shortly after my first son was born, I DID get it out once to make a small 5x7 scrapbook for my grandmother when they moved her to the Alzheimer's wing of an assisted living center. Because I didn't live near my grandmother and she rarely got to see her newest great-grandbaby, I made a scrapbook of just him and gave it to her, knowing that as her memory faded, the photos would be the only link she had to us.

Then, my mother gave me set of stuff that she had bought and it too made its way to the box with more good intentions.

Then, I met my new friends who are BIG TIME SCRAPPERS! Amy, Shonna, Rebekkah and others have great ideas and no shortage of materials. Let me tell you how intimidated I felt when I came in with only ONE box of materials to work with. Everyone there had two or three big rolling special scrapbooking bags and more embellishments, stickers, foamies, tools, markers, scissors, papers and other materials than I have seen in most scrapbooking stores! Now, granted, they have been doing this much longer than I have, but still...I was humbled. So now I have been re-inspired. I went to the monthly scrapbooking meeting at our church for the first time last Friday and completed two pages. I was so excited...and I found lots of new toys. I desperately want a CRICUT!!! I fell in love with that. And now I have printed some photos (all mine are digital) so I can do a few layouts and then will print some more when those are completed. I have so much to learn...my first 6 pages that I did years ago are awful...but they serve a purpose. There was also much less available for scrapping that many years ago...now even the dollar store has stuff...

So...let's see if this works out as well as my blogging...seems I have been keeping up with that so far... :) (Dangit...I said that outloud...now I have jinxed it!)

Rough Days

We've (I've) had a few rough days...and I have taken it out on a few people that I didn't intend to...I know we've all been there, but it doesn't make it any easier or any more right.

Jack's not feeling great right now...I have a feeling its because he's cutting some molars. At least I hope that's what the issue is. I certainly don't want it to be anything more serious. But he's been grumpy, clingy, and uninterested in much food.

On the other hand, I have somehow been able to make dinner every night this week without too many issues...and in most cases, that's after dishes have been done, floors have been swept, toys have been put away (though they are taken right back out again in another room), surfaces have been wiped, trash has been taken out and dessert is already waiting on the counter for everything to be finished...most days, I am suprised dessert makes it to the end of the meal. I am mostly tempted to eat it long before dinner is even finished cooking.

I do enjoy being home and I enjoy the freedom that I have with that...but I am still working on some kind of a routine and the process is difficult...

Now, if I could just finish getting this stuff ready for some semblance of a yard sale...I am thinking about just moving it all to eBay. Less setting up to do...but more of looking at it in disarray in my living room, which hasn't seen much living in the last two months.

Here's a few pictures from the past few days.


Jack waking up after nap...doesn't he look chipper?


Jack sharing his chipperness with Bubby. Caleb fell asleep with his headphones on...


Jack's first day with his new shoes...every time I write the words "new shoes" I think of my friend, Tina, and her great song by the same title. It's Caleb's favorite song. I'll write about that sometime...


Even though Jack doesn't feel great, he looks fabulous! He tore apart my centerpiece and tried on my pearls...


And finally...this was Caleb's character for Rogersville Festival this year: Powder Monkey Nemo! (He picked the pose himself)

Weekend

Well, we had a good weekend...little to do and glad of it! Seems we have been running constantly.

Jack had a bit of fun this weekend:

Jack likes DocMartens!


And Daddy's hat that Papa gave him...


We tried eating with our own spoon this weekend too...that was messy!


Then we got a hair cut (and Mommy realized we need to get some new PJs for me).


Lastly, off to bed with our ducky and milk!

Caleb had some fun reading to his little brother too:


Corduroy Goes to the Doctor

And then we played a little hide-n-seek:


And hammed it up for the camera:

Found it!

Found the cable for my camera! Yay! So, here's the photos of this week's VBS Power Lab Adventure!

My Crew:

That's Sarah, Rebecca, Me, Brett, Dani, Delany, Syd, and Shelby! They were awesome!

Here's Mr. Allen as Flask the Android (I don't know about you, but we are inclined to believe that's his own personal uniform):


Here's my son on Wacky Tacky day...we had a little fun with the hair:


I'll have more to share later...gotta get up early tomorrow for Praise Team at church...5:30 is going to come quickly!

Inspired

Well, my sister-in-law has inspired me to use my blog to keep everyone updated, as I should be doing. I really don't know Jaime very well, but I would love to. I have enjoyed the times I have spent with her, but there is so much left to learn...oh the hazards of living so far away from one's family.

But in an effort to get to know her better and keep her and the rest of the family up to date (as she so appropriately said in a recent email), I shall actually attempt to write in my blog more often. I know I have had several people say something to me about not updating more often...and now that I have officially join the ranks of stay-at-home-momdom, I don't have any more restrictions on computer use and therefore don't have that excuse anymore...the only excuse I can claim anymore is laundry, crying children, mysteriously quiet children or the occasional errand that takes me out of the house! I am sure I can come up with more creative excuses (and will) later on, but for now, let's not set the bar too low that I can't at least alligator crawl underneath it.

So...a brief posting:

This week, Caleb and I are participating in VBS at church. I am a Crew Leader for 4th and 5th graders and he is in a Kindergarten crew. There are 700 some-odd students there...it is crazy! I have 7 crew members...6 girls and 1 brave boy! Today, we had Wacky Tacky day...and let me tell you...there are pictures roaming all over my church right now that show just how wacky and tacky I can be. Caleb wore a "Sanjia" style mohawk...I'll post pictures when I can find the cable to my camera...hopefully tomorrow during naptime!

Off to bed for this evening...ready to start even earlier tomorrow! Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast tomorrow. Good thing its Pajama day tomorrow...just roll out of bed and go to VBS for free grub...can't get much better than that!

Toodle-loo!

Cracker Jack's Story

On January 6, 2007, I went see my family doctor for neck and shoulder pain that radiated down my arm. Upon inspection, he sent me directly to a neurologist for an MRI due to the fact that I couldn’t have an x-ray because I was pregnant (31 weeks). I went to the neurologist the following Monday morning (Jan. 9, 2007) but made a call to my OB to let her know that my family doctor said my blood pressure was high. I left a message with the nurse and waited.

Upon arriving at the neurologist, he recommended an MRI, but because I was pregnant, he wanted to run it by my OB. He called her and she said I had already called about high blood pressure and wanted him to check it before anything else. The neurologist did and it came back 190/110. That is INCREDIBLY high for those of you that aren’t familiar with normal numbers (it should have been 120/80). My OB told the neurologist to send me directly to the hospital and forget the MRI for now.

Well, there was no going directly to the hospital…I had to get to my husband and have him drive me. So I met my husband at home and he drove me to the emergency room.

When I got into triage in the OB department, they tried to hydrate me with IV fluids, but I was so dehydrated they couldn’t find a vein. My husband, lovely creature that he is, doesn’t deal well with needles. After they had stuck me seven times and I was moaning in discomfort, he passed out. That left me freaking out on the bed and 4 nurses trying to revive my husband (at some point, one of the nurses said, “I can’t find a pulse,” referring to my husband. Of course, that was beneficial to my blood pressure…

Eventually they revived him and got me into a room and got IV fluids in me. They ran tests for 36 hours and eventually told me I could go home, but had to be on bed rest (no more than 10 minutes out of bed every hour). For those of you that know me, you will understand how hard that little task was…

The only reason I was allowed to leave the house was to go to twice weekly appointments to see my doctor. On the second visit (Jan. 19), my blood pressure had shot back up and it was time to admit me to the hospital and run more tests. With 36 more hours of tests, it was confirmed that I had pre-eclampsia and I would have to deliver the baby at 33 weeks. The ultrasound showed that little Cracker Jack was four pounds and head down…ready to go!

I was very insistent upon natural delivery, and my doctor humored me for 20 hours. I was on pitossin and magnesium (anti-seizure meds) and nothing was happening…so the doctor decided to break my water to get things moving. However, before doing that, she would do another ultrasound to make sure Cracker Jack was hunky-dory. He was fine, but now in my rib cage. Needless to say, you can’t deliver a child the natural way when he is swimming in the region of your sternum, so it was off to surgery.

I remember being scared out of my mind about the epidural and the surgery and the health and safety of the baby. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and being told to lift myself onto the operating table (which is only about 18 inches wide, I am convinced). I had already been given the epidural and the anesthesiologist said, “Your legs should be starting to feel heavy.” My response was, “I don’t know about my legs, but my butt feels quite heavy, though that’s normal.” There was an OR tech in the corner that laughed and said, “At least you still have your sense of humor,” to which I responded, “I am in naked in a room full of people I don’t know…the ONLY thing I have left is my sense of humor.”

Then Cracker Jack made his debut…at 3 pounds, 11 ounces on January 21, 2007.

I had had a friend tell me that her dad was one of the doctors in the NICU, but I had no idea what his name was. It all happened so fast. But here’s the cool thing. That friend’s dad happened to be the NICU doctor that was in the operating room with me. God is great! He knew I would be comforted by the fact that I knew someone there (kinda).

I spent one week in the hospital and Jack was there for another week, which was the hardest week of my life, I think. I was still recovering and on so many medications and trying to keep my blood pressure down that making the 25 mile trek to the hospital every day was not feasible. I got up there several times, but I didn’t want to leave, knowing that if I did, I likely wouldn’t be able to come back the next day.

But the staff at the NICU were amazing. And in no time, Jack came home.

He is now a healthy and happy 22-pound 15 month old child.

I write this for two reasons. One, to keep this story for my own memories and the accurate telling of this story for years to come. And two, to let others know what I have gone through and to give you some idea of why the March of Dimes and the families of premature babies have a special place in my heart. I can never relate to you the fear and anxiety and burden that I and my family carried for those 10 days before Jack was born and the months afterward, just worrying about how Jack would be affected by his early arrival. But I can identify with those going through it…and so that is where God has called me to be an instrument of His Grace to others.

March for Babies

Some of you know, but I have a soft spot in my heart for the families of premature babies; this, because I have one of my own...I was one of the lucky moms that got to bring my baby home...my perfect and precious Jack.

But there are many that don't get to bring that baby home for months, if at all...and I have been called to work with these families...those who are success stories, and those who are not. If you do not have children, or have not had a child prematurely, it is hard to imagine the anxiety, fear and burden that having one puts on your heart, home and family.

As part of my calling, I will be walking in the March of Dimes March for Babies on April 27th in Murfreesboro. If you can walk with me, please JOIN MY TEAM! If you can't walk with me and my family, please consider supporting me in my efforts.

The mission of the March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality. Help me support them in that effort by making a donation today.

Love my Boys

I love my boys! In honor of Valentine’s Day and to honor the men in my life, I thought I would tell you why I love them.

I was sitting at my desk this morning just getting some work done and I happened to look down at my lap and realized that I had a stain of some type of food that inevitably got there because of feeding my children. At first, I thought, “Dang! I have a stain on my pants…how professional!” But my thoughts quickly turned to my children and how much I love them and that stain on my pants just became a marquee…one to remind me how wonderful it is that God has blessed me with being a mother and how he specifically blessed me with the two wonderful boys he has given me stewardship over.

Caleb is strong, funny, quick-witted and very loving. He is a great big brother and helper. He makes me smile just by smiling at me and telling me, “I just love you, Mom!” I couldn’t be more proud of the wonderful little man he is becoming. He tells me every day that he just wants to make me proud. Well, he accomplishes that in full measure. I just can’t wait to see what a great man, husband, father and Christ-follower God leads him to be. I know, its crazy to be thinking that far out, but I know that God has big plans for my little man and I just fizz with anticipation!

Jack is silly, inquisitive, and very smart. He is happy and curious and adventurous. He brings me to blissful tears when he giggles and throws his food and makes a general mess all while toddling about the house carrying the broom (don’t ask me why, but he loves to carry the broom which is four times his height making him look like a tight-rope walker with no rope). He imitates his brother (which makes me all the more glad for the things I said about Caleb above) and has a personality all his own. God gave me a handful in this one and I wouldn’t trade one single day of his stressful journey into this world and every moment since.

And then there is Michael. My love, my soul mate, my friend. Michael is empathetic, understanding, uproariously funny and subtly silly, loving, a wonderful father, a servant, and a seeker of knowledge. God is enhancing our relationship every day, bringing new insight to His word and will for us. We have begun to seek Him together in a way that I didn’t think we would ever do and I am so grateful for this lifelong mate that God has granted me. I love to be with him and listen to him and especially watch him with the boys. He is an amazing man and I love him with every fiber of my being.

So there you go…there is just a portion of what I love about my boys (at least the ones in my immediate household).

Happy Valentine’s Day to all, and take time to tell people why you love them. It can change someone’s day…or even their life.

Shut Up and Hold On!

So, I have been struggling with quite a few things lately. When it rains, it pours, as they say.

First, the cooties have run rampant in my house, causing every single one of us to be home from school or work for at least two days each, which means for mommy and daddy, more than that, since the kids can’t stay home by themselves.

Just as that is beginning to clear up and everyone is getting back to a regular routine, I get notice that my daycare provider is closing up shop, so I need to find somewhere else to take my youngest son (and sometimes my oldest, when school is closed).

I asked my husband to take Jack to the doctor (because of the sore on his nose that wouldn’t heal) because I was in a time crunch at work, so couldn’t leave because I had to meet a deadline before 5pm. On the way to the doctor, Michael’s car quit working. A dear friend came and picked him up, picked up my youngest son and took them both to the doctor and dropped them off there to wait for me to pick them up.

Was late leaving work (meeting that deadline) and had to rush and pray that I could make it from my work to my oldest’s school to pick him up before they started charging by the minute if I am late. I made it by the skin of my teeth and then headed off to pick up Daddy and Baby at the doctor.

Then, though Jack is over all his cooties, now we find out that he has impetigo, from the raw and cracked sore on his nose from wiping it when he DID have cooties. So he’s back on an antibiotic and can’t go to daycare until the meds are really doing work in his system. So Daddy’s home for another couple days.

And we are down to one car…

And AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I had a break down last night.

You know, I am glad that God allows us to get mad and scream and cry and throw a fit. Because that’s what I did last night. I got mad at Hubby because he was giving me platitudes like, “God’s got this,” and “All things work to the greater good…”. Then I got home and read some emails that said some of the same things…and I just threw up my hands, went into my bedroom and cried. None of these things helped me…none of these things gave me money or fixed the car or made the problems go away…

But that’s not what God promises.

I will tell you though, by the time I woke up this morning, God was saying, “Have you calmed down enough to listen yet? Because, if you will look at your situation, you will see that I have fixed some things for you…and created a way for the others to be fixed too.”

Because Baby has to be home anyway, we don’t need two cars until next week. Hubby was able to get hold of another dear friend that will help him fix the car on Saturday (saving us hundreds of dollars). I have the names of three ladies that are willing to take Baby so I can still go to work…and Hubby and I are working a real budget and getting serious about saving money so we aren’t here again. Neither one of us was really taught well (in practice) how to save. We were told over and over, but never really shown or helped to in a practical way. So, though we are late to the game, we are learning.

And as for being mad at Hubby for the platitudes…well, I knew then and I know now:

God’s got this. I just have to shut up and hold on.

What a way to start off the year

So...it's 2008 and the year is new and fresh. I would like to say I will resolve to write daily, but it is now January 10th and this is only my first entry for the year...I don't do resolutions. :)

However, there is something I would like to share, in the spirit of telling the world about God's grace in my little world.

Last year, in April, doctors found 3 nodules in my thyroid during an investagative ultrasound. In November, they repeated the ultrasound and found, not only had the nodules grown in size, but they were joined by two new friends. The decision was made, because of family history and my own concerns about what an ever growing thyroid would do to my voice, to biposy three of the meanest-looking nodules. I received the results of that biopsy this morning.

My biggest fear in all of this has been about my voice. I have been "missing" notes for months, where I will simply open my mouth and no sound will come, but if I change to a different tone, the sound is there. Now, there are occasional breaks in my voice, where I will be holding a note but I can't seem to keep the sound coming. Most of my performer friends will understand my fear. Though, I do not (yet) make my living with my voice, it is my passion and my ministry.

Let me say, first, I know that this is in God's hands and He will do with my voice as He sees fit. He gave me the gift, He gave me the passion. He will be glorified in whatever happens.

The good news is that there is no cancer at this time. Family history indicates that we still have to keep an eye on the situation, but the immediate fear has passed.

I do have other conditions that cause my thyroid to malfunction from time to time and I am on medications to even some of this out, but the inflammations still happen. As I was informed today, although the thyroid is not near (relatively speaking) the vocal chords, the nerve that controls the vocal chords runs right next to the thyroid, and it is possible that either the nodules themselves or merely the periodic inflammations are causing the loss of notes and breaking in my voice. Then there is the possibility that it is something else altogether, and has nothing to do with the thyroid. So, before we take the drastic measure of removing the thyroid simply to get the nodules out of the way, my doctor has recommended that I seek the services of a voice specialist to make sure there is nothing else wrong and that everything is working properly. The last thing we would want to do is remove the thyroid and find out that there is still a problem (then I would have had needless surgery). And the surgery to remove the thyroid is not without risk, either, given its proximity to the nerves of my vocal chords. It is possible that I could have permanent hoarseness or lose my voice forever, in the unlikely event that there is damage to the nerves during the surgery.

At any rate, God is in control. Right now, I am waiting and seeking God's will in visiting a voice specialist. I want to wait to make sure that all the irritation of the biopsy and any subsequent swelling have gone and see if time makes a difference.

So, while I am not completely healed, I am at peace. As my wonderful husband has said a number of times, "God's got this!"