(My mom sent me an email to ask me to update my "blob" -- she accidentally misspelled the word--she does actually know what she meant to say. So here we go...)
So here we are... a new year... new resolutions... what else... oh, a new challenge. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this, because I hate it when people look at you differently because you reveal something about yourself. But someone said something to me today that I took to heart. Open yourself to receive the blessing of people caring. So, in that vein, and in an effort to keep my family and friends updated, and even slightly less important, for posterity, I will begin to blog here about my new "friend"... SLE, or Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.
On Christmas Eve, my doctor called to have me come in to discuss some test results (never a good sign). I was a bit worried when they couldn't just tell me over the phone, "Hey, everything is great... go have a great holiday!" So, I went in, praying all the while that God would calm my nerves and keep them from hospitalizing me because of suddenly skyrocketing blood pressure.
When I got there, my doctor revealed the big news...that all my seemingly unrelated symptoms that I have had over the past two years (and maybe even longer) were all due to one three-letter acronym, SLE or Lupus. Great. Now, at least I have a name for all of it, and I know I am not going crazy or becoming some paranoid hypochondriac. But at the same time, now I have to get my head around this new life-long "friend" and what it means for myself and my family.
And then, the thought occurs to me, "How is God going to use this?" I don't have an answer to that yet, but what amazed me is that I thought that. There was a point, not too long ago that I would have thrown my hands up and said, "Why me? Poor me! What am I going to do now?" Me, me me, my, my, my, I, I, I. Wow. As I type these words, I still can't get over the fact that this thought even happened and, though I have had these moments of, "What now?" I haven't seemed to have lost perspective on the fact that this is about something so much greater than myself... and I just pray that God helps me keep that perspective through all of this.
I have been told that what I have been experiencing for the last month is not a full-fledged flare. Fantastic. I have more fun to look forward to. (How's that for a little alliteration?) I have had some swelling and pain and fatigue and memory loss, but not to the extent that it could be or may be in the future.
But here's the cool thing. God has put some amazing people into my life... a couple of friends that deal with chronic pain, a person who worked in rheumatology for a few years, and a wonderfully supportive group of friends and family that could help me process and handle whatever is to come. Not only help me, but help my family deal with it as well. And through it all, God gave me an amazing husband that has been understand, helpful, supportive, loving, kind and altogether wonderful, even in this period of not knowing what was wrong.
Well now we know and now you know and now, the journey begins. I don't know how God is going to use this yet, but I know he will. I hope that maybe by journaling here, someone will be touched or inspired or helped or given hope. Don't look at me differently because I have some "dreaded" ACRONYM... look at me differently because I have hope... hope that goes far beyond being able to deal with the ACRONYM... hope that extends to whatever God has planned for the lives of his children in spite of the ACRONYM. And that just makes me smile.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
P.S. Tomorrow, I plan to write about Christmas (I know, wrong order... Christmas, THEN New Year, but oh, well... this is how I roll). We had some pretty amazing things happen over Christmas that I simply must share.
