Shut Up and Hold On!

So, I have been struggling with quite a few things lately. When it rains, it pours, as they say.

First, the cooties have run rampant in my house, causing every single one of us to be home from school or work for at least two days each, which means for mommy and daddy, more than that, since the kids can’t stay home by themselves.

Just as that is beginning to clear up and everyone is getting back to a regular routine, I get notice that my daycare provider is closing up shop, so I need to find somewhere else to take my youngest son (and sometimes my oldest, when school is closed).

I asked my husband to take Jack to the doctor (because of the sore on his nose that wouldn’t heal) because I was in a time crunch at work, so couldn’t leave because I had to meet a deadline before 5pm. On the way to the doctor, Michael’s car quit working. A dear friend came and picked him up, picked up my youngest son and took them both to the doctor and dropped them off there to wait for me to pick them up.

Was late leaving work (meeting that deadline) and had to rush and pray that I could make it from my work to my oldest’s school to pick him up before they started charging by the minute if I am late. I made it by the skin of my teeth and then headed off to pick up Daddy and Baby at the doctor.

Then, though Jack is over all his cooties, now we find out that he has impetigo, from the raw and cracked sore on his nose from wiping it when he DID have cooties. So he’s back on an antibiotic and can’t go to daycare until the meds are really doing work in his system. So Daddy’s home for another couple days.

And we are down to one car…

And AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I had a break down last night.

You know, I am glad that God allows us to get mad and scream and cry and throw a fit. Because that’s what I did last night. I got mad at Hubby because he was giving me platitudes like, “God’s got this,” and “All things work to the greater good…”. Then I got home and read some emails that said some of the same things…and I just threw up my hands, went into my bedroom and cried. None of these things helped me…none of these things gave me money or fixed the car or made the problems go away…

But that’s not what God promises.

I will tell you though, by the time I woke up this morning, God was saying, “Have you calmed down enough to listen yet? Because, if you will look at your situation, you will see that I have fixed some things for you…and created a way for the others to be fixed too.”

Because Baby has to be home anyway, we don’t need two cars until next week. Hubby was able to get hold of another dear friend that will help him fix the car on Saturday (saving us hundreds of dollars). I have the names of three ladies that are willing to take Baby so I can still go to work…and Hubby and I are working a real budget and getting serious about saving money so we aren’t here again. Neither one of us was really taught well (in practice) how to save. We were told over and over, but never really shown or helped to in a practical way. So, though we are late to the game, we are learning.

And as for being mad at Hubby for the platitudes…well, I knew then and I know now:

God’s got this. I just have to shut up and hold on.

What a way to start off the year

So...it's 2008 and the year is new and fresh. I would like to say I will resolve to write daily, but it is now January 10th and this is only my first entry for the year...I don't do resolutions. :)

However, there is something I would like to share, in the spirit of telling the world about God's grace in my little world.

Last year, in April, doctors found 3 nodules in my thyroid during an investagative ultrasound. In November, they repeated the ultrasound and found, not only had the nodules grown in size, but they were joined by two new friends. The decision was made, because of family history and my own concerns about what an ever growing thyroid would do to my voice, to biposy three of the meanest-looking nodules. I received the results of that biopsy this morning.

My biggest fear in all of this has been about my voice. I have been "missing" notes for months, where I will simply open my mouth and no sound will come, but if I change to a different tone, the sound is there. Now, there are occasional breaks in my voice, where I will be holding a note but I can't seem to keep the sound coming. Most of my performer friends will understand my fear. Though, I do not (yet) make my living with my voice, it is my passion and my ministry.

Let me say, first, I know that this is in God's hands and He will do with my voice as He sees fit. He gave me the gift, He gave me the passion. He will be glorified in whatever happens.

The good news is that there is no cancer at this time. Family history indicates that we still have to keep an eye on the situation, but the immediate fear has passed.

I do have other conditions that cause my thyroid to malfunction from time to time and I am on medications to even some of this out, but the inflammations still happen. As I was informed today, although the thyroid is not near (relatively speaking) the vocal chords, the nerve that controls the vocal chords runs right next to the thyroid, and it is possible that either the nodules themselves or merely the periodic inflammations are causing the loss of notes and breaking in my voice. Then there is the possibility that it is something else altogether, and has nothing to do with the thyroid. So, before we take the drastic measure of removing the thyroid simply to get the nodules out of the way, my doctor has recommended that I seek the services of a voice specialist to make sure there is nothing else wrong and that everything is working properly. The last thing we would want to do is remove the thyroid and find out that there is still a problem (then I would have had needless surgery). And the surgery to remove the thyroid is not without risk, either, given its proximity to the nerves of my vocal chords. It is possible that I could have permanent hoarseness or lose my voice forever, in the unlikely event that there is damage to the nerves during the surgery.

At any rate, God is in control. Right now, I am waiting and seeking God's will in visiting a voice specialist. I want to wait to make sure that all the irritation of the biopsy and any subsequent swelling have gone and see if time makes a difference.

So, while I am not completely healed, I am at peace. As my wonderful husband has said a number of times, "God's got this!"