Love my Boys

I love my boys! In honor of Valentine’s Day and to honor the men in my life, I thought I would tell you why I love them.

I was sitting at my desk this morning just getting some work done and I happened to look down at my lap and realized that I had a stain of some type of food that inevitably got there because of feeding my children. At first, I thought, “Dang! I have a stain on my pants…how professional!” But my thoughts quickly turned to my children and how much I love them and that stain on my pants just became a marquee…one to remind me how wonderful it is that God has blessed me with being a mother and how he specifically blessed me with the two wonderful boys he has given me stewardship over.

Caleb is strong, funny, quick-witted and very loving. He is a great big brother and helper. He makes me smile just by smiling at me and telling me, “I just love you, Mom!” I couldn’t be more proud of the wonderful little man he is becoming. He tells me every day that he just wants to make me proud. Well, he accomplishes that in full measure. I just can’t wait to see what a great man, husband, father and Christ-follower God leads him to be. I know, its crazy to be thinking that far out, but I know that God has big plans for my little man and I just fizz with anticipation!

Jack is silly, inquisitive, and very smart. He is happy and curious and adventurous. He brings me to blissful tears when he giggles and throws his food and makes a general mess all while toddling about the house carrying the broom (don’t ask me why, but he loves to carry the broom which is four times his height making him look like a tight-rope walker with no rope). He imitates his brother (which makes me all the more glad for the things I said about Caleb above) and has a personality all his own. God gave me a handful in this one and I wouldn’t trade one single day of his stressful journey into this world and every moment since.

And then there is Michael. My love, my soul mate, my friend. Michael is empathetic, understanding, uproariously funny and subtly silly, loving, a wonderful father, a servant, and a seeker of knowledge. God is enhancing our relationship every day, bringing new insight to His word and will for us. We have begun to seek Him together in a way that I didn’t think we would ever do and I am so grateful for this lifelong mate that God has granted me. I love to be with him and listen to him and especially watch him with the boys. He is an amazing man and I love him with every fiber of my being.

So there you go…there is just a portion of what I love about my boys (at least the ones in my immediate household).

Happy Valentine’s Day to all, and take time to tell people why you love them. It can change someone’s day…or even their life.

Shut Up and Hold On!

So, I have been struggling with quite a few things lately. When it rains, it pours, as they say.

First, the cooties have run rampant in my house, causing every single one of us to be home from school or work for at least two days each, which means for mommy and daddy, more than that, since the kids can’t stay home by themselves.

Just as that is beginning to clear up and everyone is getting back to a regular routine, I get notice that my daycare provider is closing up shop, so I need to find somewhere else to take my youngest son (and sometimes my oldest, when school is closed).

I asked my husband to take Jack to the doctor (because of the sore on his nose that wouldn’t heal) because I was in a time crunch at work, so couldn’t leave because I had to meet a deadline before 5pm. On the way to the doctor, Michael’s car quit working. A dear friend came and picked him up, picked up my youngest son and took them both to the doctor and dropped them off there to wait for me to pick them up.

Was late leaving work (meeting that deadline) and had to rush and pray that I could make it from my work to my oldest’s school to pick him up before they started charging by the minute if I am late. I made it by the skin of my teeth and then headed off to pick up Daddy and Baby at the doctor.

Then, though Jack is over all his cooties, now we find out that he has impetigo, from the raw and cracked sore on his nose from wiping it when he DID have cooties. So he’s back on an antibiotic and can’t go to daycare until the meds are really doing work in his system. So Daddy’s home for another couple days.

And we are down to one car…

And AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I had a break down last night.

You know, I am glad that God allows us to get mad and scream and cry and throw a fit. Because that’s what I did last night. I got mad at Hubby because he was giving me platitudes like, “God’s got this,” and “All things work to the greater good…”. Then I got home and read some emails that said some of the same things…and I just threw up my hands, went into my bedroom and cried. None of these things helped me…none of these things gave me money or fixed the car or made the problems go away…

But that’s not what God promises.

I will tell you though, by the time I woke up this morning, God was saying, “Have you calmed down enough to listen yet? Because, if you will look at your situation, you will see that I have fixed some things for you…and created a way for the others to be fixed too.”

Because Baby has to be home anyway, we don’t need two cars until next week. Hubby was able to get hold of another dear friend that will help him fix the car on Saturday (saving us hundreds of dollars). I have the names of three ladies that are willing to take Baby so I can still go to work…and Hubby and I are working a real budget and getting serious about saving money so we aren’t here again. Neither one of us was really taught well (in practice) how to save. We were told over and over, but never really shown or helped to in a practical way. So, though we are late to the game, we are learning.

And as for being mad at Hubby for the platitudes…well, I knew then and I know now:

God’s got this. I just have to shut up and hold on.

What a way to start off the year

So...it's 2008 and the year is new and fresh. I would like to say I will resolve to write daily, but it is now January 10th and this is only my first entry for the year...I don't do resolutions. :)

However, there is something I would like to share, in the spirit of telling the world about God's grace in my little world.

Last year, in April, doctors found 3 nodules in my thyroid during an investagative ultrasound. In November, they repeated the ultrasound and found, not only had the nodules grown in size, but they were joined by two new friends. The decision was made, because of family history and my own concerns about what an ever growing thyroid would do to my voice, to biposy three of the meanest-looking nodules. I received the results of that biopsy this morning.

My biggest fear in all of this has been about my voice. I have been "missing" notes for months, where I will simply open my mouth and no sound will come, but if I change to a different tone, the sound is there. Now, there are occasional breaks in my voice, where I will be holding a note but I can't seem to keep the sound coming. Most of my performer friends will understand my fear. Though, I do not (yet) make my living with my voice, it is my passion and my ministry.

Let me say, first, I know that this is in God's hands and He will do with my voice as He sees fit. He gave me the gift, He gave me the passion. He will be glorified in whatever happens.

The good news is that there is no cancer at this time. Family history indicates that we still have to keep an eye on the situation, but the immediate fear has passed.

I do have other conditions that cause my thyroid to malfunction from time to time and I am on medications to even some of this out, but the inflammations still happen. As I was informed today, although the thyroid is not near (relatively speaking) the vocal chords, the nerve that controls the vocal chords runs right next to the thyroid, and it is possible that either the nodules themselves or merely the periodic inflammations are causing the loss of notes and breaking in my voice. Then there is the possibility that it is something else altogether, and has nothing to do with the thyroid. So, before we take the drastic measure of removing the thyroid simply to get the nodules out of the way, my doctor has recommended that I seek the services of a voice specialist to make sure there is nothing else wrong and that everything is working properly. The last thing we would want to do is remove the thyroid and find out that there is still a problem (then I would have had needless surgery). And the surgery to remove the thyroid is not without risk, either, given its proximity to the nerves of my vocal chords. It is possible that I could have permanent hoarseness or lose my voice forever, in the unlikely event that there is damage to the nerves during the surgery.

At any rate, God is in control. Right now, I am waiting and seeking God's will in visiting a voice specialist. I want to wait to make sure that all the irritation of the biopsy and any subsequent swelling have gone and see if time makes a difference.

So, while I am not completely healed, I am at peace. As my wonderful husband has said a number of times, "God's got this!"

True

I know that I haven't had an entry for a while, but I haven't had much to write about that wasn't excruciatingly mundane...or private. But today I have something.

So last night, our choir at church had the honor of being asked to sing in the Point of Grace concert, whose Winter Wonderland Nashville tour stop happened to be our "little" auditorium. On top of the honor bestowed upon our choir, which was excepted with alacrity, our worship pastor asked me to sing one of two solos. I was absolutely flattered as well as terrified--not of singing in front of a full house (and that, it was), because I have sung in front of many more than our auditorium holds, but of telling anyone about it, especially those in the choir.

I have had some experiences in the past of people doubting my sincerity when singing in church. But singing in church is the one place where the actor that is Rachel (the one who hides feelings and controls emotions in public to simply deal with life as it comes) no longer exists. I am the stripped down, naked (figuratively) version of myself. What I share and what I do from the stage at church is simply my expression to God for all to see. Yes, I dance. Yes, I move. Yes, I groove. Yes, I sing when there are no words. These are all part of my language of love to my Creator and almost a primal, instinctual reaction to music. God created that in me. He created that in a lot of people, but some are so stifled and scared to let it loose simply because they have been taught at one time or another to be ashamed of it, whether that be overtly or merely by implication. And most have no idea why...

Now that I have gone off on a completely different tangent...let's get back on topic. I told one person outside of my husband and mother. I told my good friend who happens to be in choir with me, but I also told her that I was scared to say anything to anyone else for various reasons. Simply put, it wasn't about me...and I didn't want to give the impression that I thought it was.

So most didn't know until the night before the show, at the final rehearsal, and others not until the show itself.

However, the thing I will remember most about last night is this: I have true friends. Those that will grieve when I grieve and rejoice when I rejoice. Those that will be truly happy for me and proud of me when I am honored. I had a number of choir members come up to me last night and give me long hugs and tell me how happy they were for me and what a great job I did. And none of the praise mattered...what mattered was that I had friends to share it with. In the past, I have only been surrounded by those who would be jealous and try to, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, keep me from doing my best. This has happened both in churches and out.

Jealousy is a natural reaction and I will never say that I don't experience it. But I also recognize it for what it is and I quell it. It is not a flattering nor effective emotion. The only thing it accomplishes is keep you from recognizing what God has given you...it keeps you focused on what God has given others and you hate them for it. And when you hate them, you hate God...

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' - Matthew 25:40

God has blessed me with true friends and I can only hope that I can be that true in return.

Pride cometh...

I am sometimes astounded at the rate by which we are quick to blame everyone but ourselves. Sometimes, when things go wrong, all we can do is start making excuses and pointing fingers, instead of reflecting inward to see what we ourselves might have done differently, and how we ourselves may have affected the situation. In other words, look at our own faults before looking at others. “Let he who has no sin cast the first stone…”

I have been dismayed over the past few days in watching several situations develop around me, both in relationships with friends and in the public forum.

I spend a great deal of time blaming myself unnecessarily, but at the same time, when I do blame myself, I find many around me who say, “It is not your fault.” And they start to point the finger for me, saying that though I may have done something, it was someone else’s fault for starting it. That’s not right. Just because one person does something, nothing FORCES me to do anything in response. And should a response come, if it is not made in a prayerful and contemplative manner, then I can almost guarantee that my response will not be appropriate. Sometimes I and others hide behind a veil of “freedom”. It thinly veils pride. For pride’s sake, I must make a response, and when the reason for response comes from pride, I promise, it won’t be serving some greater purpose.

Pride is one of the most destructive forces in life. It destroys relationships, companies, people, churches, marriages, friendships and eventually, the world. Pride was the very first wrong in the world. Pride is what caused Lucifer to fall and Eve to take the fruit. And from it stemmed every other sin.

Far too often, I am guilty of pride. Freedom to do or say something does not mean there is no consequence to doing or saying anything I want. The simple fact is this:

With great freedom comes great responsibility.

I must be responsible in the freedom that God and, by God’s grace, our country offers me. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to reign in that freedom for the sake of others and ourselves. Regardless of what I have the freedom to do, I have to face the consequences of that freedom which I exercise.

In the end, treat others the way you wish to be treated and be kind. There is no reason to be otherwise.

Helping Others

Just random thoughts...I read an article today that made me think about when is helping really helping. And the author of that article made a great statement:

We all need to take the time to reach out to others and help them walk with God.

Life is full of uncertainty but without God two things really are certain: We will make a mess of our lives, and we will help others do the same.

So many of us focus on helping others, with little regard as to what we help them with. Sometimes helping others means saying no or telling them that by helping them in the way they are requesting is not really helping them at all.

For instance, if a friend came to you and asked you to help them out by driving them to the bank and then home, that would be fine, indeed. But what if you find that they have just asked you to be the getaway driver for their bank heist? That would definitely qualify as not helping them, if you fulfill their request.

This comes down to tempering any help to a friend or stranger with the Grace of God. In the above situation, the grace of God would require you to help your friend by saying no...and possibly turning them in to the authorities. Or maybe the root problem needs to be addressed, like financial turmoil that has led them to feel that the only way out is to rob a bank.

Just thoughts today...I don't know who it will bless, but I felt led to post it. Help someone today...with grace.

Go ahead, make my day...

You know how you can just be minding your business and someone comes along and makes your day? That was how it was yesterday. It was really quite special. I sang on the praise team at church and it was a great service. The songs were rockin’ and everyone was worshipping together. I was oblivious to everything around me as I just lifted up my voice and enjoyed the time.

After I was finished leading in the second service, I made my way to my seat and set down next to my husband. The next thing in the service was special music. As that was going on, a woman about 6 rows in front of us, whom I had never met before, got up from her seat, came back to where I was sitting, whispered in my ear, “I just wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful up there today,” and went back to her seat. I thought, “How wonderful! She felt it was important enough to tell me right then and not wait until after the service…that just made my day.” I thanked her, but I didn’t know what else to say. I didn't deserve that...I had done nothing to earn her compliment...I had done nothing that would make me worthy of such a comment. But she said it and it was lovely.

Then, I went to rehearsal for a show I am helping with and three different people came up to me and complimented me on three different things and it just really made my day great.

Isn’t it wonderful that a kind word, something that costs nothing and takes only moments to give, can make such a difference in someone’s life? I have made it my mission today to tell at least four people something kind, one for each comment I got yesterday. There’s nothing like spreading the kindness around!

Say something nice to someone today…make their day and show them God’s grace through you.