My shoes are on!

So, there is so much to write here...but let's start here:  my shoes are on.  They were on at 7:00am this morning.  Why is that important?  Because it is the beginning of a journey.

God is so big and so amazing and so passionately in love with me.  That's an incredible truth.  And in light of that truth, and the plan I know He has for me, I have started with some changes in my life.  This blog has now become my journal that I share with others...my way of making my journey something that might help someone else.



I'll get into the whole testimony at some point, but I just want to tell you my starting points.  I will be sharing with you the changes I am making. 

At my women's Bible study, we are going through a book called "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas.  One of the points she made last Friday was this:  we need to stop the chaos and restore order, both in our physical bodies and our physical homes.  I can't tell you how wonderful it was to know that the burden I have been under for sometime now is not just my OCD tendencies or some kind of self-made pressure I have put on myself.  God needs room to work in our lives.  And we crowd him out with work, hobbies, house, family, kids, soccer games, theatre, friends, football, church activities, Facebook, video games...basically, self-absorption.  So I have chosen to restore order in several places.

First, my home.  I will share with you pictures of my home as it is now and what it is becoming (along with the whole story).

Second, my body.  If you cruise down my previous posts on this blog, you will see that a significant change happened in my life almost two years ago and that had an effect on my body...but mostly my perception of my body.  I will share that whole story too.  A couple weeks ago, I discovered a very brave thing my friend, Allison, was doing.  She was challenged by our RADICAL study at church to do something radical about her body--she began a journey, as I am doing, to change in a radical way, in order to be ready for what God calls her to.  In this, she began to publicly post her weight and her progress.  What an incredible thing.  She is doing so well and I admire her.  I plan to do something similar, but I am not so much on a mission to lose weight (though I believe that will happen), as much as I am seeking to be in better shape and eat better and develop healthy eating habits that will make me ready for what God wants to do with me.  Again, I will share everything in another post.

Lastly, I am restoring order to my relationships.  The very first step in that is to put those relationships in the correct order, starting with spending quality time every day with Holy God.  That has been the biggest influence on what I am doing and where I am going.

So, my shoes are on, my sink is shiny, my heart is seeking and I am ready...set...go! 

I am such a slacker

So, here we are in 2010 and I have not posted but 2 blogs in the last year. That's sad.

I plan to start posting when I find an incredible deal at the store here...I began couponing last year in August. I am going to add up my total expenses and my total savings since then and post them here. I am excited to see what I have done. All I know is that I always have plenty of food and laundry detergent in the house.

I have also been dealing with the Lupus thing for the past year. It hasn't been awful, but I have had some really bad weeks. Just general aches and pains...things that make it hard to get out of bed most mornings, but when I do get up and moving, it's usually not bad. I praise God for that, because I know others who have it much, much worse.

The kids are growing like crazy. Caleb has discovered that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are not real, but it took it really well. I don't think we are going to even going to try it with Jack. He doesn't care about Santa anyway.

Jack is now taking on some of my sense of cleanliness. It's very funny. I say "some" because he will walk into a room and go, "This is very messy!" but then walk away. :)

Caleb is being tested for the intellectual gifted, and may be moved up into 3rd grade for a few classes. I don't want to rush him, but I don't want him getting so bored that he becomes a distraction.

Alright...back to other things now. But I wanted to say something for 2010. If I do no other blogs, at least I have done one this year. :) Hopefully, if I do more, they will be a bit more organized that this.

R

My Review of Eyeshadow

EyesLipsFace.com

Bring a touch of natural beauty to your eyes with these soft, translucent shades that add subtle highlights for daytime or increased drama for night. With key vitamins A & B, these eyeshadows hydrate and minimize the appearance of fine lines. Available in an array of light-reflecting color opt...

Eyeshadow

Not what I expected

Rachel the Songprincess LaVergne, TN 2/9/2009

 

4 5

Pros: Smooth Look, Easy To Apply

Cons: Colors aren't true

Best Uses: Everyday, Going Out

Describe Yourself: Classic Style

I bought these colors to replace another product I had run out of. I was not happy with the colors, even though they were exactly the colors that I was replacing, at least according to the website. That is the one drawback to not having a place I can see these products before I buy them. However, at $3, I can afford to buy more colors and experiment.

()

Yes Mom...I am updating my "blob"...

(My mom sent me an email to ask me to update my "blob" -- she accidentally misspelled the word--she does actually know what she meant to say. So here we go...)


So here we are... a new year... new resolutions... what else... oh, a new challenge. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this, because I hate it when people look at you differently because you reveal something about yourself. But someone said something to me today that I took to heart. Open yourself to receive the blessing of people caring. So, in that vein, and in an effort to keep my family and friends updated, and even slightly less important, for posterity, I will begin to blog here about my new "friend"... SLE, or Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.

On Christmas Eve, my doctor called to have me come in to discuss some test results (never a good sign). I was a bit worried when they couldn't just tell me over the phone, "Hey, everything is great... go have a great holiday!" So, I went in, praying all the while that God would calm my nerves and keep them from hospitalizing me because of suddenly skyrocketing blood pressure.

When I got there, my doctor revealed the big news...that all my seemingly unrelated symptoms that I have had over the past two years (and maybe even longer) were all due to one three-letter acronym, SLE or Lupus. Great. Now, at least I have a name for all of it, and I know I am not going crazy or becoming some paranoid hypochondriac. But at the same time, now I have to get my head around this new life-long "friend" and what it means for myself and my family.

And then, the thought occurs to me, "How is God going to use this?" I don't have an answer to that yet, but what amazed me is that I thought that. There was a point, not too long ago that I would have thrown my hands up and said, "Why me? Poor me! What am I going to do now?" Me, me me, my, my, my, I, I, I. Wow. As I type these words, I still can't get over the fact that this thought even happened and, though I have had these moments of, "What now?" I haven't seemed to have lost perspective on the fact that this is about something so much greater than myself... and I just pray that God helps me keep that perspective through all of this.

I have been told that what I have been experiencing for the last month is not a full-fledged flare. Fantastic. I have more fun to look forward to. (How's that for a little alliteration?) I have had some swelling and pain and fatigue and memory loss, but not to the extent that it could be or may be in the future.

But here's the cool thing. God has put some amazing people into my life... a couple of friends that deal with chronic pain, a person who worked in rheumatology for a few years, and a wonderfully supportive group of friends and family that could help me process and handle whatever is to come. Not only help me, but help my family deal with it as well. And through it all, God gave me an amazing husband that has been understand, helpful, supportive, loving, kind and altogether wonderful, even in this period of not knowing what was wrong.

Well now we know and now you know and now, the journey begins. I don't know how God is going to use this yet, but I know he will. I hope that maybe by journaling here, someone will be touched or inspired or helped or given hope. Don't look at me differently because I have some "dreaded" ACRONYM... look at me differently because I have hope... hope that goes far beyond being able to deal with the ACRONYM... hope that extends to whatever God has planned for the lives of his children in spite of the ACRONYM. And that just makes me smile.

Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

P.S. Tomorrow, I plan to write about Christmas (I know, wrong order... Christmas, THEN New Year, but oh, well... this is how I roll). We had some pretty amazing things happen over Christmas that I simply must share.

Consequences...

A face full of dirt.

That's the consequence for trying to stop a 2 1/2 year old from throwing a handful of dirt.

And that is precisely what happened to me today.

I was talking with a mother and her little boy was playing in the dirt, as little boys do, but it was time for Mom to go and so in an attempt to help her get her boy to the car, I tried to extract him from the dirt and set him on the path to the car and his hand came back and I got the dirt in my face, up my nose, in my mouth and covering my glasses. Such is life when you are dealing with boys.

But it started me thinking about the consequences of some of our best intended actions. Like trying to reason with the man at the desk next to yours that clicking his pen, incessantly, while you are trying to work, is about to drive you out of your skull, or trying to convince the driver in front of you in the fast lane that is driving about 35 miles an hour that he needs to move over by flashing your high beams at him.

Or trying to convince someone that the spiritual path they are on is a dangerous one and is going to keep them from seeing that all-too-commercialized version of heaven they think they are going to see because they are a "good person".

See, it is our actions, much more than our words, that find a person where they are and make them take notice. Its not the words that tell them what it is to be a Christ-follower or what peace and joy you can reap from such a life. It is our kindness to the unkind, our love for the unlovable, our grace to the undeserving that shows Christ in us. And sometimes, even then, you still get rejected, taunted, laughed at, spit upon or ignored. But the seeds you plant with the person you are showing God's infinite love and compassion to will grow...God can do a great work in them, and you may never know it. The last thing you may remember about that person is the awful way they rejected you, and ultimately your Savior. But Jesus said, "The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost," and in Psalm 118:22, "The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone." Some builders will reject Jesus (through you), but ultimately, He will be lifted up and you along with Him.

So sometimes you will be successful in your good intentions...and sometimes you will end up cast aside, but in it all, God is in control.

Wow...that's a lot to have learned just from a face full of dirt...

And then I am blessed...

Get out your tissues...

I had to share what my son did to bless me just a few moments ago.

I went to change Jack's diaper (and we all know what a blessing that is), and he kept pointing at me saying, "Twee, twee." But I had no idea what he was talking about. So in an effort to understand him, I leaned into him so he could touch what he was pointing at. He touched the flower (dandylion) that Caleb had given me that I was wearing behind my ear. I said, "Oh, the flower...yes, I suppose that is a tiny tree." He looked me right in the eyes and very meaningfully said, "Pwee twee." To which I replied, "Yes, Jack, that is a very pretty tree."



It was the first time he put two words together and I understood what he was saying. It was very sweet.

Wait

Have you ever felt useless? I know I have. I know others who have. Some feel useless because they don't believe they have marketable skills. Some feel useless because they didn't finish school. Some feel useless because they don't have what they thought they would have by this time. Some because they are too old. Some because they are too fat. Some because they aren't pretty enough. Some because they think themselves stupid. Some because they are pessimists. Some because they are sure the entire world is out to get them. Some because they feel like God has abandoned them...

But think about those times when you have felt useful. Everyone has them...even if they don't feel useful now. Sometimes you have to dig down deep to remember that feeling because it's been a long time. When you have helped someone solve a problem. When you have been that shoulder to cry on. When you've brought food or clothing to someone because they needed it. When you have sung your child to sleep after a bad dream. When you've made dinner for friends. When you've told someone you love them. Sometimes those moments are fleeting because we, as humans tend to focus on all the things that make us useless, rather than what makes us useful.

For those like me who believe that God loves us and sacrificed His son for us, how can we ever really believe that we are useless? What in the world would He have sacrificed Jesus for, if we had no usefulness? That's foolish...and God is not.

We have been told over and over that God has a purpose for each one of us...that He has planted a desire in our heart and a gift in our spirit and a talent in our hands and He wouldn't just mismatch these things. They will line up. He promised that. He said he would give us the desires of our heart. He planted it there, He will make it bloom. But He didn't say when.


The problem is waiting...God's human creations have no patience. The flowers do, the animals do...but we don't. And thus the human existance is one of worry and bitterness and self-loathing because WE can't make it happen for ourselves. We place the blame on ourselves for not figuring out what we are supposed to do RIGHT NOW. How arrogant of us. This is not about us...this is about God and His glory.

So, here am I...use me as You will, Lord. I struggle for patience, yes. But I wait on you, Lord. You have planted this flower...I will wait for you to make it bloom.

That's the prayer I hope we can all have. He PROMISED. And God will not betray His children. I know it. I embrace it. I wait.